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I got an email the other day promising a big box of chocolates if I could manage the behaviour of a mini tyrant -- he's 7! Challenge or what? The promise is from someone making a referral for a mini tyrant and reckons he's going to take all my skill to manage.... She even has doubts that it's possible!
I did a lesson observation in this little boy's class a few months ago. I was asked to because the young teacher, who hadn't had any behaviour management training, was struggling to manage the deteriorating behaviour. It wasn't good - 4 adults in the class with no obvious plan of who was supporting which group of children. It was a bit chaotic to say the least.
Things were ok to begin with, but then the little lad who's now coming to my classes started. Fairly minor stuff at the start - wriggling around, poking other children - but what did the adults do? Nothing... Hm, this was going to be interesting. This was followed by him rolling onto the floor and disappearing out of reach under the table. Behaviour can deteriorate very quickly - all this in about 2 minutes from the start of the lesson! Before they could fish him out he was up and out of the door! There had to be some adult action now, surely? Quite slowly, an adult raised herself from her chair and went after him... No real rush though!
As I followed I heard a door being banged over and over. The adult stood by while he banged a toilet door. When I asked her what she was going to do, she looked a bit embarrassed and said that she didn't really know what to do. The child could tell by her manner that he had all the power - he knew that she hadn't the first idea of what action to take.
The teaching assistant lost her anxious look when I asked if she wanted me to show her what to do. How was she to know if she'd never been taught?
The child stared at me, challenging me to take action. As I held the door with one hand, I reached out and took his hand with my other, telling him to come with me. I asked the assistant to go into class and sit on a chair near the door. I was quiet but assertive, a new experience for the child - he had nothing to challenge so he just walked with me.
When we got to where the assistant was sitting I told him to sit on the floor and not to move until the lady said he could. I asked him if he understood and he said that he did.
He looked at me with a slightly confused look on his face as he sat down on the floor.
He was thanked for doing as he was asked and given a reminder not to move until told to.
All the adults were watching this unfold and were astounded. 'But, he doesn't do as he's told like that,' one of them said. 'Well he does,' I said, 'because he's doing it.'
One of the boy's classmates, a girl who also behaved badly in class, watched with interest, wandered over to one of the adults and knowingly pointed towards me and said, 'Now, she's really good!'
Children instinctively and immediately know which adults have authority and who they have to behave for. And the rest of the adults, who they know don't have the skills to manage them? They run them ragged...
So what did I do that's so different and why is it so effective?
It's really simple when you've been taught what to do. I have 100% confidence in my behaviour management strategies and I know that whatever action I take will have the result I want. Children read my confidence -- as well as they read dithering from those who are unsure of themselves. They are instinctive and know immediately whether an adult has to be listened to or if it's worth testing them out. They quite happily allow confident adults to take control of situations as the mini tyrant proved. He met a different adult who was completely confident and he behaved exactly as he should.
You have to persevere to change the behaviour when you start using new strategies - you will achieve success. But, you have to remember that the children won't be too happy with your change of tactics and will push to see if you mean it - after all pushing you before gave them the result they wanted! Your timing, body language, voice and whole attitude have to be used correctly. Anyone can learn to manage children's behaviour well - it's not difficult. Read the strategies, practise them and use them with total consistency. And really that's about it...
I did a lesson observation in this little boy's class a few months ago. I was asked to because the young teacher, who hadn't had any behaviour management training, was struggling to manage the deteriorating behaviour. It wasn't good - 4 adults in the class with no obvious plan of who was supporting which group of children. It was a bit chaotic to say the least.
Things were ok to begin with, but then the little lad who's now coming to my classes started. Fairly minor stuff at the start - wriggling around, poking other children - but what did the adults do? Nothing... Hm, this was going to be interesting. This was followed by him rolling onto the floor and disappearing out of reach under the table. Behaviour can deteriorate very quickly - all this in about 2 minutes from the start of the lesson! Before they could fish him out he was up and out of the door! There had to be some adult action now, surely? Quite slowly, an adult raised herself from her chair and went after him... No real rush though!
As I followed I heard a door being banged over and over. The adult stood by while he banged a toilet door. When I asked her what she was going to do, she looked a bit embarrassed and said that she didn't really know what to do. The child could tell by her manner that he had all the power - he knew that she hadn't the first idea of what action to take.
The teaching assistant lost her anxious look when I asked if she wanted me to show her what to do. How was she to know if she'd never been taught?
The child stared at me, challenging me to take action. As I held the door with one hand, I reached out and took his hand with my other, telling him to come with me. I asked the assistant to go into class and sit on a chair near the door. I was quiet but assertive, a new experience for the child - he had nothing to challenge so he just walked with me.
When we got to where the assistant was sitting I told him to sit on the floor and not to move until the lady said he could. I asked him if he understood and he said that he did.
He looked at me with a slightly confused look on his face as he sat down on the floor.
He was thanked for doing as he was asked and given a reminder not to move until told to.
All the adults were watching this unfold and were astounded. 'But, he doesn't do as he's told like that,' one of them said. 'Well he does,' I said, 'because he's doing it.'
One of the boy's classmates, a girl who also behaved badly in class, watched with interest, wandered over to one of the adults and knowingly pointed towards me and said, 'Now, she's really good!'
Children instinctively and immediately know which adults have authority and who they have to behave for. And the rest of the adults, who they know don't have the skills to manage them? They run them ragged...
So what did I do that's so different and why is it so effective?
It's really simple when you've been taught what to do. I have 100% confidence in my behaviour management strategies and I know that whatever action I take will have the result I want. Children read my confidence -- as well as they read dithering from those who are unsure of themselves. They are instinctive and know immediately whether an adult has to be listened to or if it's worth testing them out. They quite happily allow confident adults to take control of situations as the mini tyrant proved. He met a different adult who was completely confident and he behaved exactly as he should.
You have to persevere to change the behaviour when you start using new strategies - you will achieve success. But, you have to remember that the children won't be too happy with your change of tactics and will push to see if you mean it - after all pushing you before gave them the result they wanted! Your timing, body language, voice and whole attitude have to be used correctly. Anyone can learn to manage children's behaviour well - it's not difficult. Read the strategies, practise them and use them with total consistency. And really that's about it...
About the Author:
Liz Marsden is an expert child behaviour management practitioner. She uses her experience in her own classes and in mainstream schools. She uses her experience to train teachers, students, behaviour assistants and parents to manage children's behaviour with confidence. Visit Liz's website where you can download her highly recommended book, Behaviour Bible, which will give you essential advice to improve your behaviour management experience.
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