Friday, January 28, 2011

Finding A Definition Of Self Esteem In Just A Few Words

By Jill Kent


Seeking the definition of self esteem is simpler than it sounds. It is simply a belief about our own worth. When you value something or size something up, you are esteeming it. Ergo, people with low self esteem do not respect themselves that much, or see themselves as people with low value. These people think themselves as inferior to other men and women around them.

The definition of self esteem includes emotions as well as beliefs. People with self esteem tend to be proud of their achievements and will talk about themselves without putting themselves down. People whose self-esteem is below average or worse often engage in spiritual self-immolation and frequently embarrassed by themselves.

A psychotherapist named Nathaniel Branden is credited for what could be the most accurate definition of self esteem. Self esteem, according to Branden's definition, means that you believe you are indeed worthy of happiness, and able to cope with the challenges life throws at you.

The definition specifically highlighted "the experience of being competent", which means we have what it takes to do things and face challenges head-on. People with low self esteem will often feel that it is not OK for them to be happy, and any time they are happy, something bad must be right around the corner.

Self confidence is similar, but not the same thing as self esteem - it's what we feel when we aren't afraid of the world around us. Many people still have a low value of themselves, even if they know they can do so many things and do them the right way.

Let's cite this example - you may know someone at work who goes from strength to strength, constantly getting promoted, but low self esteem could make him or her a flop with the opposite sex. In fact, it may be their success at work which masks their belief that they aren't relationship material. This could also make the person overly eager to please, being at the other person's beck and call and rewarding them with gifts on a regular basis. It may even make them abusive or likely to indulge in power games in relationships. All these are signs that the person believes that somebody would not want to be in a relationship with them just for themselves alone.

Sometimes we may not even be aware that we don't see value or the potential for happiness in us, due to upbringing or other factors. Unless somebody calls our attention to these untoward actions, we tend not to do anything about them.

This is where therapy can be helpful. By using therapy, we can improve ourselves and recognize that a view of ones self is a view and nothing more than that.

Self esteem is usually measured by means of a questionnaire or quiz. These can be very revealing, as people who take these tests answer questions, often personal, about how they see other people and outside stimuli.

Some psychologists consider that high self esteem can be dangerous too. According to their studies, people who think of themselves too highly can get defensive, and sometimes act out in anger if their views are questioned or made fun of. However, other psychologists would argue that this tendency is not self esteem but narcissism. Their definition of self esteem is a feeling of self worth that is stable, no matter what other people say or think.




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