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Assertiveness is a life skill; useful both inside and outside work. However, the reactions and behaviors we employ now are the result of years of fine tuning. The state of being assertive does not happen with the snap of a finger, but rather through years of practice and application. And while you may not always get what you want, you will always know you gave it your best. When trying to develop assertive behavior, the ten tips below will all come in handy:
Believe in yourself more. Positive self-talk is a tool you can use, and positive thinking always helps. Look yourself squarely in the eye as you look at yourself in the mirror and scream it out when nobody's looking - I AM A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING!
You cannot change the people around you. What you have control over would be your actions, and if you make positive changes, you can give others the chance to see you in a better light.
Learn to respond, not react. Start choosing how to behave, based on admitting and accepting the consequences. Nobody convinced you to do that thing you just did, so accept your mistakes and move along.
If you miss the mark and make a mistake, then it is not the end of the world! Mistakes are not mistakes per se - rather, they are opportunities for you to make right what you initially did wrong.
Watch your body language. Make sure it matches your words: people tend to believe what they see rather than what they hear.
Use the green cross code: Stop Look Listen - then think about how you want to respond. This gives you full control over what happens while offering the same opportunity to other people.
Try to resolve the situation and not simply aim for "damage control". Remember that this situation is what the other person is most likely upset about, and not you as a person, and before letting your emotions get the better of you, assess the situation first.
Be careful with what you say. Those words that scream out "I'm a lightweight" such as "my sincerest apologies", "I'm afraid" and "Is it possible" should be thrown out of the window - ruthlessly! Instead of saying "this should happen", say "this WILL happen", and use "I" statements with ringing power that exude pure confidence. This would most likely influence others to follow your lead.
Avoid being a "yes" man or woman. Dance only when you hear music playing, scratch only when there is something itching. And if you still have difficulty answering in the negative, remember that you are not refusing the person, but rather what they are requesting.
Say "I can" rather than "I can't" or the dreaded "I might". Believe that things don't just happen to you - but that you can make them happen.
Believe in yourself more. Positive self-talk is a tool you can use, and positive thinking always helps. Look yourself squarely in the eye as you look at yourself in the mirror and scream it out when nobody's looking - I AM A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING!
You cannot change the people around you. What you have control over would be your actions, and if you make positive changes, you can give others the chance to see you in a better light.
Learn to respond, not react. Start choosing how to behave, based on admitting and accepting the consequences. Nobody convinced you to do that thing you just did, so accept your mistakes and move along.
If you miss the mark and make a mistake, then it is not the end of the world! Mistakes are not mistakes per se - rather, they are opportunities for you to make right what you initially did wrong.
Watch your body language. Make sure it matches your words: people tend to believe what they see rather than what they hear.
Use the green cross code: Stop Look Listen - then think about how you want to respond. This gives you full control over what happens while offering the same opportunity to other people.
Try to resolve the situation and not simply aim for "damage control". Remember that this situation is what the other person is most likely upset about, and not you as a person, and before letting your emotions get the better of you, assess the situation first.
Be careful with what you say. Those words that scream out "I'm a lightweight" such as "my sincerest apologies", "I'm afraid" and "Is it possible" should be thrown out of the window - ruthlessly! Instead of saying "this should happen", say "this WILL happen", and use "I" statements with ringing power that exude pure confidence. This would most likely influence others to follow your lead.
Avoid being a "yes" man or woman. Dance only when you hear music playing, scratch only when there is something itching. And if you still have difficulty answering in the negative, remember that you are not refusing the person, but rather what they are requesting.
Say "I can" rather than "I can't" or the dreaded "I might". Believe that things don't just happen to you - but that you can make them happen.
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