Monday, November 7, 2011

Working Problems Out After Being Caught With Cheating Infidelity And Having An Affair

By Dr Joe James


Marriage counselors are contacted for many reasons. Some of them are cheating infidelity and secret affairs. Wives are the party cheated a lot but there have been many husbands too who have sought the counseling because of their wives being caught with infidelity.

Most people, innocent or guilty, who visit many of these counselors today, want their marriage to work out even after being accused of the above events. But however, the spouse who had done wrong may find it hard to let the previous affair go and that may lead to bigger problems in the future. This matter should be solved first in order to try to solve other problems between the two.

Almost every effort taken to rebuild the relationship between spouses will fail if both are not committed to solving the problem. Being unable to let go of the other person will definitely show the lack of commitment. The cheating person must also understand that what they had done was a choice made by them alone.

Well, their marriage may have not been perfect. But the spouse could have paid the other a bit of extra attention to get the marriage working. All marriages however, do not end up having another affair. It will be up to the choices one makes.

The responsibility for having cheated the other person should be solely placed on the person who has been doing the cheating. But they may have had good reasons for doing that also. Anyway, they should act as adults responsible for their actions and take a pledge not to do those wrong things again.

There are two mistakes, often made by couples trying to make up after having an affair. The first is that either party does not accept the conditions their marriage was at the time of the other affair and tries to prove that the affair was a mistake that will not happen again. The second is, although couples identify the problems which led to the affair, they do not take steps to remove them fully.

The thing with these problems is you are not able to give away that what you do not own. You should first learn to love and also trust yourself. If not everything you know will have a potentially negative impact on yourself. Since a marriage can magnify all your flaws and the flaws of your marriage, both these issues may have to be addressed in order to get things worked out.




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